I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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