Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
