She said her name was "party"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
