You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
