$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
