oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
