Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
