Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
