It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there was a trapeze. enough said
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
