you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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