This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
