you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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