I think I am morally bankrupt
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
