I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
