I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
