i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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