my sisters under your porch take her home
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
