Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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