this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
