ya dads aren't the best wingmen
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
