I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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