So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
