If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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