Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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