facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
