guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
