I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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