WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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