Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
