I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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