she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
