I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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