some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
