My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i will never coherently bang her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
