He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No more Irish car bombs ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
