you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
