Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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