Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
