I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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