i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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