i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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