I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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