She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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