I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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