i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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