I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
