You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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