I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize