One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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