i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
im on a boat
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