Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
