final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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