either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
