My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
