i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
