Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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