Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
