That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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