The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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