i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
