found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
