I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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